It was a leap of faith that got me here

I have been working since I was 13 years old. No not child labor, but my parents felt that we should learn to earn our own money early on in life. My first ever job was packing bags at the cash register of the butchery my father worked at. I packed the customers shopping into carrier bags and pushed the trolley to their car then returned it. I got paid R20.00 a day and sometimes made tips. I was a loaded millionaire in my mind. Throughout my schooling career I had various little weekend jobs like this. When my parents opened their own butchery and take away, I spent my weekends helping out there. In high school I got my first more serious job. I worked the cash register at my local pharmacy, it was a special job because my mom had been a nail tech in their salon when I first started school, the owner knew me from young and gave me a chance, the assistant pharmacist was also a family friend and my then high school sweetheart also worked there with me. We worked a few afternoons after school and most weekends. when we had different shifts he would walk to pick me up after my shift, It was this totally cool and super romantic thing that was just ours. I loved it. then we broke up and he started dating another co-worker and i could not tolerate being around them. she came in and bought condoms and made sure to pay at my register. I walked out that day and never went back. It was my first lesson in professionalism as I had to return and fix my unprofessional mistake, apologize to my bosses and stick out my two week notice. It was brutal, but it was a valuable lesson to learn at 18 years old and I ma glad I did.

When i finished matric, I was accepted into a one year program called City Year, an NPO that falls under the Nelson Mandela Foundation as well as the Bill Clinton Foundation i America where it started. This was not really a job but it was a full time thing. We got a stipend every month to cover our travel costs, but it was not a salary. I still had the odd weekend job, some waitress work and such. Fortunately I quickly learned the importance of making a little bit of money go far. I had to make my small stipend and even smaller work salary go as far as possible, tips were not reliable so they were extras if they came in. Part of the City year program was a short project management course at Wits so that also added to its appeal . In all honesty I would not trade that year for anything, it taught me how to be frugal as well as a million other life lessons an if I had to go back and re-do life, I would still make the choice to join them.

After graduating from there I knew that I had to get serious about working full time, my year of "fun" was over, I was reminded that I was an adult who had to take care of myself. I was blessed that my now husbands sister knew of a company that needed a receptionist and I got the job almost on the spot. I loved the people and the job and the company. I would have stayed there forever but sometimes when we get too comfortable life, or the universe throws a spanner in the works to make sure we keep moving in the direction we are supposed to go in.

Since then I have had to wear a few different hats, most in some form of administrative work. I got into the trap of working for survival only, as most of us do in life, but very often we have no choice.

In January 2012 I woke up one day after 6 months of hell, a hijacking, followed by an armed robbery at the corner shop , a terrible tyrant for a boss, the love of my life moving to Cape Town and me being too scared to give up the security of a salary and close proximity to my family who I seldom saw anyway, I got online booked a one way flight to Cape Town two weeks from that day, and gave myself two weeks to find somewhere to stay and work. I used the tiny little bit of savings I had and I left Joburg forever. I came to Cape Town with so much hope, but two days in and it was all shattered. I had not done enough homework and I had never been to Cape Town. Nothing was as close as people said and although the public transport systems are decent I would spend most of my life on buses and taxis. I was ready to run home with my tail between my legs and beg for forgiveness.

I did not do that though. My now husbands, uncle took my ID book from me and told me to give it one year before giving up. I can happily say its been almost 11 years, I am still here and I have my ID back haha.

I was again fortunate enough that the amazing lady I rented a room from, who soon became a great friend, worked for a company that needed a receptionist for three months, I started the following Monday and I was there for 10 years, Not bad going for a temp post. The company become my second home, the staff were like my family, I loved the people but I hated the actual job. I stayed because I needed the salary and I also felt a sense of loyalty to the people, if I was sick and booked off I was made to feel guilty for letting the team down. I grew to resent certain people and aspects of the job. Mornings would start with tears and my husband telling me to hold on for one more year. One more year turning into 2 then I fell pregnant, I had great medical aid so I sucked it all up again and did "what I had to do", and then soon after returning from maternity leave Covid hit and we went into lock down, in the almost year that I was at home with my family , for maternity leave and covid, I felt light as a feather, I had ideas and hope but the reality was it was not the climate or time to just quit or jobs when so many people had lost theirs. "Be glad you still have a job at all" and "You know you are so lucky you still have a job at all" were becoming the most common things to hear. I felt guilty for wanting out of a blessing so many wanted in on. I stayed, I was miserable, I got sick a lot because I was heading down a dangerous road towards full on mental breakdown.

In the beginning of 2022 I got bronchitis and so did my son, my Dr booked us off and we spent a week at home together recovering. When I returned to work I got the same old "you need to think of the team before you take a whole week off " and "you could have come to work when you were feeling better" as if I was right as rain and on holiday. I had gone back to work still feeling like death, but fully aware that I was already walking into an uncomfortable discussion. My boss asked me to think about the future I saw with the company and where I saw myself down the road. I went home and cried my eyes out to my husband, we talked for hours and made the decision that I would go back the next day and resign. I didn't see a future there at all, I could not picture myself there in 5 years or 10 years time. The simple statement he had made, had opened my eyes up so much.

I took a leap of faith, I WAS ABOUT TO BE UNEMPLOYED for the first time since i was 13 or 14 years old. No job at all, because I have always had a little side something something, but here I was at 33 years old and unemployed for the first time in 20 years with no real plan in place. Lots of ideas and desires and hope, so much hope, but no real plan.

It has been the most liberating and freeing thing I have ever done. My mental health is a million times better, I am so positive and happy and I see things with a silver lining again. The light at the end of the tunnel is finally back on.

I am broke as all hell, I have absolutely zero income and I basically have to hope and pray that my husbands salary will cover everything while I set myself up for my new adventures , but I can honestly say, I have never been happier or more at peace with myself.

There is still a long road ahead, I have completed a TEFL certification an I am working to get a placement. I have started a few online and social media projects, some were to keep me busy while I figured things out, but they are growing and I am seeing many different things I could potentially see myself doing full time or as a "job" grow from them.

I am learning who I am now, something I didn't do in my twenties because I was working hard at being a hard worker and not figuring out what I love and how I can make it work for me.

As I go on this journey now though I am filled with so much hope, it really is never too late to figure out who you are and what you want to do with that.

And it was a leap of faith that got me here ....